Peanut Butter Feelings

Today, I found myself staring down into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in progress. Two slices of bread lying open on a cutting board, both covered in peanut butter. A spoonful of blackberry jam in my hand.

It was then that I experienced a brief moment in which it was impossible for me to determine exactly what I was feeling.

During the last few days I’ve been playing a game in my head. At random points throughout the day I’ll ask myself, “What are you feeling?” I usually have a response like tired, happy, mad or anxious.

Right now? Nothing. Just peanut butter and a spoonful of jelly with no emotional interaction whatsoever.

Most of the time my feelings are obvious. Anger is a good case in point. There are physical reactions that come along with anger that make it impossible to ignore. A wave of heat surges up my neck, across my face and burns my ears. My heart starts pounding. I know when and why I’m angry.

But what about those peanut butter and jelly moments? Like when you arrive at work and you have no memory of getting there but the car keys are dangling in your hand. What were you feeling during that time? Or how about when you mindlessly thumb through the TV stations looking for another garbage show to lower your IQ. Any emotional reaction? Nada.

These are the weird moments in life. Do they have anything to do with … anything at all? Am I missing something here?